This probably seems out of character for me, but I was just thinking today about how much I miss Nick. FOr those of you who don't know, Nick used to be one of my best friends. However, we had this big huge dramatic fight and now we can't even be in the same room together without him either projectile vomiting or leaving. He thinks that because I'm the one who made the mistake, its so easy for me to just forget about being friends. But he should know that I never, ever meant to hurt him. Not for a second.
We would talk on the phone for hours about nothing. He introduced me to my [now ex]boyfriend, who I was completely crazy about. When I had problems with the aforementioned boyfriend, he would listen patiently while I sobbed about it on the phone. I could tell him anything.
The worst part is that while I always told him he could tell me anything, he couldn't. He told me this big secret and I opened my even bigger mouth and ruined everything in a matter of days. He must think its easy for me to live with that. Well, it's not. To lose my best friend, the friendship of my ex who I was still totally close with, to have people constantly talking about me (all the while with me knowing that I deserved all of it). I don't care if people spread lies about me, but when they are telling the truth it hurts like fuck.
Whatever, I can't think about it anymore. Everytime I see him at his locker or getting onto the bus I just want to apologize and make everything better, but I can't. It just sucks really bad.